My roommate in college was
"elected" by the fraternity to care for the ancient Nemo pop machine
(soda for those in your fair city). Being "Captain Nemo" involved
removing the money from the machine, returning the bottles and buying new product,
etc. He "should" have made money, but he didn't keep track...well...
The machine was the old cooler
type, with the entire top opening. The bottles hung upright from their necks
in racks, in violent rows reminiscent of mass lynchings during
Nero's reign. The lucky bottle chosen was slid over to a corral
which released the bottle from its torture when money was
deposited...
Of course, when the gate to the
corral was opened
and a full bottle legally removed...an empty bottle could be placed
back in the corral before allowing the gate to close. Then I...I
mean an evil heartless person, would then slide the empty bottle
back into place in the rack among the full bottles. This cruel
person would then throw a straw in the empty bottle, suggesting someone had opened
a hanging bottle and sucked it
dry without paying or even removing the bottle from the machine!
My roommate was livid. Signs were
posted warning dire consequences if the Nemo thief was caught. He
was constantly checking the machine hoping to catch the Nemo sucker.
Terrorist wouldn't have had a chance if this guy was in charge of
homeland security. He was shocked! shocked! that a fraternity
brother could do this to another brother. I agreed with him it was a
sorry sad state of affairs.
I was caught rearranging the
bottles by another fraternity brother and word of the torture spread
throughout the fraternity, but no one told "Captain Nemo". However
more empty bottles with straws began to appear. The prank ended when the guys went
over the top and filled the entire cooler with empty bottles with
straws AND taped a bottle opener and a package of straws to the cooler with a sign
saying "FREE NEMO". I made them stop because I thought my
roommate was going to stroke out.
It was 20 years before I told him.
He didn't laugh.
I got the idea from my Dad, who
pulled the same thing at his work place decades before I did.
By Christy Ramsey, Copyright
© 2003, permission given to
non-profit use as long as this by-line is included.
